My Holy Trinity's Holy Trinity

A Rare Post For All Subscribers

Greetings! Those of you who signed up for free are in for a real treat. Normally, you’d just “get” to read the first paragraph before that damn paywall popped up and encouraged you to subscribe. Well, you’ll be able to read far beyond that initial paragraph with this post (which I already informed my paid subscribers that I’d be writing for all to see). Whether or not that’s even worth your time, let alone your money, is up to you. While I embark on my early-morning walks, if my beloved Sarah isn’t with me due to family or work obligations, I listen to three albums from my favorite band, Beastie Boys. Observations and opinions fill my head while their brilliant music enters my ears and soul, and I figured that it’s about time that I took the time to write about them. Whether you’re completely unfamiliar with them other than their ubiquitous “Fight For Your Right to Party” or if you’re a fellow rabid and hardcore Beasties enthusiast like me, I hope that you get something out of this post that will focus on their consecutive offerings of Check Your Head, Ill Communication, and Hello Nasty while not completely ignoring their freshman and sophomore efforts, Licensed to Ill and Paul’s Boutique.

About a year before Licensed to Ill was released to the public, Beastie Boys started making some noise on Music Television, which the kids today would call MTV if they paid any attention to it. Which they don’t. Having been bizarrely (and unfortunately, according to most) selected to open for the not-yet-legendary Madonna for the Virgin Tour, MTV started doing little news snippets on the NYC trio. Kurt Loder would show a little bit of the video for “She’s On It” and mention their juvenile-yet-catchy prank call to a Carvel song known as “Cookie Puss.” They got my attention because I was already into rap music and I had yet to see a fellow caucasian even attempt to break through, let alone succeed. These seemingly-bratty New York punks immediately appealed to me, so when the Virgin Tour tickets went on sale (admittedly, I was a big Madonna fan and still celebrate her early catalog as pop music brilliance), my mom took my sister and me to the Infinite Mushroom in Orlando to wait in line for tickets.

Despite the large venue (Orange County Civic Center, now a huge monstrosity known as the Convention Center), tickets sold out fast. Madonna had but two albums under her Boy Toy belt, but her appeal was undeniable and people wanted to see her perform live. Personally, I was just as interested in these Beastie Boys…but I was nearly alone in that sentiment. The majority of tickets were snatched up by jelly-bracelet wearing girls, eager to see this icon and get more fashion tips. Fortunately, thanks to my mom’s perseverance, we got our tickets. I should note that the Infinite Mushroom, one of the few Ticketmaster/Select-A-Seat outlets, was a “head shop” that specialized in selling paraphernalia and cool posters, which delighted my teenage soul greatly and gave my mom something to complain about (her former favorite pastime).

Fast forward to the concert. We rode there with my older next door neighbor and her friend on whom I had a huge crush, Marti. My sister and I sat in the back seat as these bad girls SMOKED CIGGIES on the way there. We had to promise not to tell any parents. Once we arrived, we joined the massive throng of teenage girls who were teeming with anticipation to see Madonna. Silently, I counted the minutes until the house lights came down to present…BEASTIE BOYS!

“Yo, Orlando, this ain’t no fucking library…make some noise” is the first thing I remember them saying. They went through their six-song, half-hour set quickly and profanely, making lewd gestures and shocking the poor parents who had to chaperone their pre-teen, corset-wearing young ladies with perms in their hair. They weren’t exactly booed off the stage, but the audience was certainly less-than-receptive to their antics…except for one Drew R. Garabo, who was pretty sure that he had found a new favorite band to replace U2. A decades-long love affair was born.

Now, I said that I wouldn’t ignore Beastie Boys’ (please note that it is NOT “the” Beastie Boys and it’s just Beastie Boys) first two albums. I also won’t spend a lot of time on them. Not that Paul’s Boutique isn’t worthy of many words and much time, because it is. It’s just that the next three albums speak to me in a way that the first two simply don’t, and by reading this post you will understand why and how. What you do with this information is entirely up to you.

Licensed to Ill is the album that introduced Beastie Boys to the world, and vice-versa. Looking back at it, it’s damn near a parody album…but at the time, it was all I had and it rarely left my tape deck or compact disc player. I’d fast-forward past the already-overplayed “Fight For Your Right” and stupid “Girls” while focusing on the songs that I still enjoy, “Hold it Now, Hit It,” “The New Style,” “Slow Ride,” and a few others. This album can best be described as Frat Rap/Rock, exhibiting the Boys’ IDGAF mentality. Simplistic and juvenile but catchy as hell, it was a groundbreaking effort for not just White Rappers…but rap music in general. EVERYONE in my generation had this album and it blended the lines between rock and rap in a way that only Run-DMC had achieved with “Walk This Way” and “King of Rock.” Shit, even Kerry King from Slayer played on “No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn.”

You’ll still hear “Fight For Your Right” at most sporting events. When I do, while I may turn up my nose at the song itself, it does make me happy that so many people still hear a song (albeit a lousy one) from my favorite band. I’d much rather they be known for their later and more-evolved music, but I will take what I can get. It certainly brought Beastie Boys a great deal of notoriety and some financial gains (not as much as they should have, because Russell Simmons and Def Jam ripped them off), so I’m happy for them as well. Still, their catalog is so much richer and deeper than “Brass Monkey” and such. Licensed to Ill is the album that I listen to least by my favorite band, which is kind of bizarre to me when I think about how much I listened to it when it was the only Beastie Boys offering.

Their follow-up, Paul’s Boutique, confused and alienated many people who expected more of the same as Licensed to Ill. With a myriad of sampling (before the days of clearing and paying for samples), inside jokes, and more of a hip-hop feel, the beer-chugging crowd who sang along with “PARRRRRRTAYYYY” didn’t know how to react to the sonic brilliance of Paul’s Boutique and the album sales showed it. There are many who consider this sophomore (and occasionally sophomoric) effort to be their glorious masterpiece, but I ain’t one of ‘em. While I certainly celebrate this album and all it stands for, there’s still that lingering immaturity of Licensed to Ill (“Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun” is just a continuation of “Paul Revere,” to mention one example) and that’s enough for me to favor Check Your Head when it comes to the crowning glory of Beastie Boys’ best offering.

“If you can feel what I’m feeling, then it’s a musical masterpiece. Hear what I’m feeling? Well then, that’s cool at least. What’s going through my mind comes through in my walk, true feelings are shown from the way that I talk.” -Pass the Mic

I’ll select one lyric from each of the three albums I’m celebrating in this post. This one really spoke to me and continues to do so. Check Your Head is the album on which Beastie Boys picked up their instruments again (they were basically a punk rock band before Licensed to Ill) and started to make some real music. On this album, you’ll hear punk and funk, rap, and some lyrics that speak to being your authentic self and having appreciation (“Gratitude” is a standout track) for everything. They’re joined musically by Keyboard Money Mark and producer Mario Caldato, both of whom left their stamp on this album. Mike D, AdRock, and MCA certainly didn’t abandon their fun side, taunting fellow vanilla-faced rappers 3rd Bass with the “dis track” known as “Professor Booty.” “So Whatcha Want” is an anthem that also speaks to me and I chose it as the opening song of my radio show because I identify with it so profoundly. Everything about this album is musical and lyrical perfection, from my perspective, and it is not just my favorite Beastie Boys product…but my favorite album of all time. As soon as I hear the opening of the first song, “Jimmy James” (an homage to Mr. Hendrix featuring a guitar sample from the departed genius) which features Cheap Trick live in concert saying “this next song…is the first song from our new album,” it makes me grin a huge grin and prepares me for the musical journey that is about to take over my body and soul. I can’t say enough about this album and I urge you to give it a hearty chance to move you the way it moves me. It’s a far cry from Licensed to Ill, musically and lyrically, and I love that element of it. The funky instrumentals of “Groove Holmes” and “Pow” are flat-out jams and will make you wonder how this could be the same dudes who rapped on “Brass Monkey.”

“I want to say a little something that’s long overdue: the disrespect to women has got to be through. To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends, I wanna offer my love and respect to the end.” -Sure Shot

Is this the same band that puked up “Girls…to do my dishes…girls…to clean up my room…girls…to do my laundry”? Well, sort of. The Boys had become Men, seeing the world in a different way. Their evolution, so present and evident on Check Your Head, continued with Ill Communication. From the opening of “Sure Shot,” featuring a dog trying to say “I love you” to the chanting Tibetan Monks on “Shambala,” this incredible album features pop culture and obscure musical references, more fusion of punk and funk, and the introduction of percussionist Eric Bobo who definitely adds his flavor to a few tracks. Cypress Hill came along and stole him from Beastie Boys, which was sort of a dirty move but much appreciated by me when I got to hang with him backstage after their Orlando show at House of Blues and pepper him with Beastie Boys questions.

Not much for guest spots, Beastie Boys surprised and delighted their fan base by adding the always-incredible-but-severely-addled-by-mushrooms-on-this-track Q-Tip from the phenomenal hip-hop legends known as A Tribe Called Quest. Tip somehow fought through the psilocybin and delivered a few gems on “Get it Together,” including the chant “like Ma Bell, I got the ill communication…MA BELL got the ill communication…MA BELL” okay, you get the point. A musical voyage unto itself, Ill Communication is the perfect companion piece to and follow-up for Check Your Head. Near the end of the brilliant album, MCA drops enlightenment on us with “Bodhisattva Vow,” putting his mindset on display with the lyrics “if others disrespect me or give me flack, I’ll stop and think before I react. Knowing that they’re going through insecure stages, I’ll take the opportunity to exercise patience.” This was the same dude who couldn’t be vulgar and braggadocios enough on Licensed to Ill. He was the bad boy who somehow found evolution and turned into someone who sought and received words of wisdom from the Dalai Lama himself (who inspired that track I just mentioned). As Beastie Boys grew up, so did I…and I found relatability and inspiration in the words and actions of my favorite band. What. An. Album.

“I’m the King of Boggle…there is none higher. I get 11 points off the word ‘quagmire!’” -Putting Shame in Your Game

It took an embarrassingly long time for me to fully appreciate Hello Nasty, the fifth album from Beastie Boys and the third in my Holy Trinity. It marked their return to NYC, the city that made them. After Licensed to Ill, the Boys headed west to Los Angeles, where they would live and record their next few albums. Hello Nasty marked a sort of homecoming and you can feel it in their music. Hooking up with the World’s Greatest Turntable Technician, Mixmaster Mike, elevated this band to the next level. The production on this album is slick and the rhymes are spectacular. “I don’t mean to brag, I don’t mean to boast…but I’m intercontinental when I eat the French Toast”? YES PLEASE MORE OF THIS. This album features damn-near hits like “Body Movin’” and “Intergalactic,” providing Beastie Boys with more radio play than they had enjoyed since Licensed to Ill without sacrificing one iota of integrity. This is a well-polished, smooth, diverse, and funky album that may have taken some time to find its way into my Holy Trinity (from my Holy Trinity of the 3 Beastie Boys), but it’s definitely the album that I find myself listening to and appreciating more and more. Of all the releases by Beastie Boys, this one features their best rhymes and beats. Check Your Head and Ill Communication may resonate more profoundly with me, but Hello Nasty is sonic brilliance with incredibly fun and clever rhyming. It’s a tremendous listen, start to finish.

Speaking of finish, let’s do that already, shall we? I feel like I’ve sufficiently honored my favorite band and their Holy Trinity of albums. If this inspires you to listen to even one track that you haven’t heard by them, then this was worth the time it took to write. Hell, even if it doesn’t…I spent my time and effort writing about something that brings me joy rather than this rocky and unpredictable cancer journey, about which I’ve written too many words. This Substack is akin to therapy for me; I have thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart that I need to get out and put into the universe, and that’s what I do here. If you’re a free subscriber and want to read more, most of it intensely personal and pertaining to my medical condition and ensuing treatments and my feelings about them, then take out your moneys and hit “subscribe.” Seven bucks a month is pretty danged reasonable, in my opinion, and you’ll have a front-row seat to the Fight Of And For My Life. If not, then I still wish you well and hope you continue to enjoy reading the first paragraph of every post and very rare public posts like this one. Take care and appreciate your health while you have it!

So I pledge here before everyone who’s listening to try to make my every action for the good of all beings. For the rest of my lifetimes and even beyond, I vow to do my best, to do no harm. -Bodhisattva Vow.