Honorably Discharged

A Random and Beautiful Bathroom Encounter

I remember sitting in the various waiting rooms at Moffitt Cancer Center and envying the patients who looked like they were near the end of their journey (in a good way). I hoped so badly that I could be one of them, merely stopping by for an appointment rather than enduring procedures and chemotherapy. I always keep that in mind when I go there for my checkups now, keeping a smile on my face and doing whatever I can to spread joy to every person I see. From the moment I exit my car in the parking garage, I paste an enormous grin on this stupid face of mine and it doesn’t leave until I return and have to fight Tampa traffic.

This morning, I had an appointment to see the good doctor Nishihori. I’m all done with scans. It’s all lab work and vaccinations now. I arrived early as hell, as is my nature, and headed to the bathroom to drain the main vein. I nearly typed “take a tinkle” there instead, just so you know. I’ve long been a fan of euphemism for bodily functions, from “shake the dew off the lily” to “floating an air biscuit” (farting) and “shooting putty at the moon” (ejaculation).

My progress into the lavatory was halted